I bought this Elevated Outdoor Dog Bed with dreams of my German Shepherd-Malinois mix (aka 70% dog, 30% prehistoric apex predator) lounging peacefully like a regal beast under the summer sun.
The good news: assembly was so easy, I basically blinked and it was done. The mesh was breathable, the frame felt sturdy, and for a glorious 17 minutes, my dog looked like an elegant canine prince enjoying a cooling outdoor throne.
The bad news: apparently, nobody told the manufacturer that my “dog” is secretly a velociraptor in a fur coat.
At first, it was innocent enough — a little stretch here, a little digging there. But soon, my beloved murder gremlin decided the bed was an enemy that must be neutralized.
Cue 45 seconds of paws of fury, turbo spins, and a WWE-style suplex, and suddenly the "durable, non-slip" bed was upside-down in the yard, my dog was victorious, and I was standing there re-evaluating all my life choices.
Pros:
Easy to assemble
Cooling and comfy (for normal, non-chaotic dogs)
Stylish enough that my neighbors asked about it before it was destroyed
Cons:
Cannot survive The Great Velociraptor Uprising of 2025
Frame will definitely bend if your dog believes it’s a trampoline slash battle arena
If you have a normal dog? 10/10 would recommend.
If you have a German Shepherd-Malinois hybrid with a thirst for destruction and an unspoken rivalry with furniture? Maybe just get a reinforced bunker instead. 🦖🐕💥
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